this is why i abandoned, at the age of six, a magnificent career as an artist

3:16PM - blah...

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

this is just too perfect...as i'm feeling really bummed out. hand holding, to me, is really special, like i won't hold just any guy's hand. i really have to like them. meh...

i'm such a dork, i just feel really lonely and vulnerable lately. my mom is talking to me now, she's laughing as i am sniffling. she just said i am an expert writer as i can't think of how to start the fat paper i have to write.

mother always just says, "don't be depressed." it's hard, though.

just being can be difficult...yea, i know. now i sound like some sort of typical "emo" kid or something. whatever. it's not my fault i just so happen to actually be in tune to my own feelings. sorry not everyone knows how to do that.

my mom always tells me she's smiling over the phone and that i should as well. i suppose it helps.

i have so much work to do. i don't understand how my mind works. i was seriously happy and having fun with some friends no more than an hour ago. i can't believe it's approaching 4:00. so late considering i didn't get anything done yet. sad face all the way.

i should stop being ridiculous and start writing the paper i have.

this weekend is going to be weird...my friend, who i've known my entire life, is getting married. i don't know about all of this.

it either feels like too much is going on or not enough.

sometimes i feel like something is just missing. i think right now is one of those times.

(2 shooting stars | wish on a star)

10:55PM - everyone should check this out!

http://www.themeatrix.com/
go to this website! this is our home and we are all in it together!!

(wish on a star)

8:08PM - i'm such a theif!

yes, i know i haven't really updated in like a millenia, but yea...i get busy. anyway, this isn't a real update, but i thought i'd steal an idea from a livejournal friend so here it is...

i'm going to list 20 random things about myself and in the time it takes me to do so i will then spread the wealth by requesting that many people to do the same.

1. i get super nervous walking around in public often times. i'm not entirely sure where these feelings come from, but they're usually there, especially when there are large groups of people around. this happens most when i am walking to a class.

2. i cry more than most people would guess, although i haven't had a full blown cry in about a week. a lot of the times i cry because i have intense flashbacks of moments i've shared with people and i feel sad i can't have them anymore.

3. many people, including my own father, have suggested i might have some sort of chemical imbalance, most notably bipolar disorder or manic depression because i guess i have a lot of ups and downs.

4. reading "girl, interrupted" helped me feel a lot more sane. i think everybody is secretly messed up and in pain in some form or another, most people are just better at hiding it.

5. i am very quick to feel close with new people i meet and lately i have realized this isn't always a good thing since it often leads to me feeling disappointed and low in the self-esteem department. most recently i have been feeling particularly attached to a certain boy...sheesh.

6. i had a really huge crush on this guy i really know nothing about. this was last quarter and it made my heart ache just thinking about him. i saw a boy last weekend in this club i was at in hollywood and i felt like crying, actually, my eyes did well up quite a bit. he was dancing and lovin' on some other girl. it was really hard for me to deal with for some odd reason.

7. i often times think i am a bad person because i have really strong beliefs about quite a few things, yet i mostly just get upset about them or rant about them rather than getting up and actually doing anything about them.

8. i've thought about dropping out of college way more than once. even right now i've thought about how appealing it might be to just run off and do something different. i still feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to attend a university, but yea...

9. when i was younger i often felt a deeper connection with dogs and other pet type animals than other people. sometimes i still feel this way. this is how i can get so disconnected from the world sometimes.

10. i am kind of scared of getting older. i guess i always have been. i think about what it will be like to be 35 or 70 a lot to convince myself it will still be good.

11. "edward scissorhands" can still make me cry every single time i watch it. the ice dance scene is just amazing. when i was a little kid i used to run out of the room toward the end of the film because, for some reason (probably a lack of memory of seeing it in the theatre), i always thought edward died so i was afraid to see it happen since i thought he was so great and all. when i finally got up the courage to watch the end i was so surprised to find out he didn't die afterall.

12. i have a weird liking for pumpkins and got really giddy yesterday when i had noticed halloween items out in a store. it's a really bad habit of mine to want to buy pumpkin paraphinilia...eeek.

13. i really believe in reincarnation in a lot of ways. sometimes i feel like i understand the type of person or other type of animal i must have been in another life.

14. i am super prone to fits of nostalgia and am really afraid of losing people. lately this fear has subsided a great deal, though. i'm feeling good about that. i've come to realize that most people you meet are like another experience in your life, which is meant to be enjoyed, learned from and eventually left behind to your memories.

15. even when i was a little kid i figured i'd never get married, just didn't seem like i'd meet that "one", even though i am such a sucker for sappiness and the crazy romantic notions we've all heard.

16. i used to want to go to art school very much. i had tons of applications spread out over my room during high school. i never even applied to one of them.

17. i decided, at some point in my life, i am going to write a book of sorts. i don't know what it will be about, how long it will be or anything like that, but i know i am determined to do it.

18. i have problems adjusting to the normal schedule of society. i am very much a nite person, even when i was a little kid i remember just staying up in my room and thinking when i should have been dreaming.

19. i often think we truly do have two separate realities. that our dreams aren't necessarily just dreams, they may be another life we lead. this excites me.

20. i have a weird habit of obsessing over my hair. it's not that i really style it or anything like that, but for some reason it has to be just so. i'm not sure when i started being like this, but people who know me well have commented on it. i guess it's just one of my ocd things.

haha...okay, that took 21 minutes and i'm not even sure that i have that many livejournal pals so i'll just list a few people i want to do this as well and they are:

moonmaiden (annette), oldsmile (kris), rackl (rachel), ryanescobar (ryan), vdevov (devo), haunter259 (howard), ecleticliana (sierra), thedrumfather (josue), quakewave (lisa) and notyourtragedy (brian). anyone else who wants to do should as well, these are just people i know still update and might actually do it :)

have a good day!

(5 shooting stars | wish on a star)

10:30PM - it's been a while...

so, what's been happening with me??

i've been working, going to school....blah.
summer school will finally come to an end this week and i'm excited. then i'll have a month to contemplate my life even further...hmm.

been having a lot of mood swings as of late. i'm super up or i'm super down. been crying a lot. not sure what any of this means.

hmm...been watching a lot of "sex and the city", such a good one. been eating far too much froyo (frozen yogurt to the laymen). haven't gone to the beach even though it's summer. haven't done anything that summer-y :(

did go to goth nite at the blue lagoon last week, though. that was good times. going again tomorrow (score!).

not a whole lot to report, despite the distance.

i'm going to try to be on an upswing again. things are a little weird right now.

this is good at least:

thatperson5: well, who cares what they think
thatperson5: you know I think you're the shit
thatperson5: and thats a lot considering I think most people are highly retarded
redstriped El C: hahah, thanks kevin, that means a lot
redstriped El C: i always enjoy being appreciated by people who dislike the vast majority

yep. another day another dollar?

(8 shooting stars | wish on a star)

12:43PM - hey out there to everyone!

so i'm excited because i just made my first smoothie EVER and it was good times. felt good to cut some fruit up and mix it up. fruit=amazing gift from above that i love dearly! hehe

in other happenings...i start summer school monday. my teacher is a funny guy. reminds me a lot of bill murray in the way he looks. he's pretty cool and i'm glad i seemed to have lucked out with a descent guy for a professor. the t.a. for my lab is way too funny. he was wearing a barret in his hair and likes to poke fun at everything, but you can tell it's all in good fun and out of an actual like for things.

my new house=awesomeness! it's so pretty up here and feels like such an escape from the 'real world.' i feel kind of guilty in living in such a nice place. like my mom has never even lived in such a big, pretty place, let alone many, many other people out there. i am most definitely thankful for it, though. the only thing about the house that weirds me out a little is actually that is it so big. it's like three stories and just big, i've always lived in rather small homes so this one is kind of daunting. it's really just kind of scary for me when it's dark or when nobody is here. currently i am here alone, but it's kind of nice. i guess i just wouldn't like if it were night time right now. my room doesn't have any windows and me being pretty frightened of the dark makes going to sleep at night a bit of a challenge. it also makes waking up in the morning a bit of a challenge! i seriously wake up and it looks like it's 5:00 in the a.m. when it's actually much later. the lack of sunlight confuses me a bit in that way. i guess i'm getting a little bit more used to it and clarice is sweet and hooked me up with a nightlight that has little fishies on it. that helps a lot. i still wake up a lot throughout the night, all freaked out, not sure where i am, but i think it will pass with time.

jon (a.k.a giffy) visited much of this week due to a sustainability conference on campus and trying to get into a summer school class. both turned out to be successful. he's a fun guy, i'm glad i met a lot of keen new people this past school year :)

ian has been trompin' around in these japanese type shoes lately. they're so funny and platform-y. our landlords housemate asked ian if they were women's shoes, i got a kick out of that.

hammy seems to like the new place, more space for her to run around in, i just have to keep a closer eye on her these days so she doesn't roll down the stairs in her ball again! eek!

oh, i got a job, woo! that's pretty good times i suppose. i mean the gap certainly isn't my first choice of employment because i feel kind of weird selling people things, like i'm totally just feeding the machine even more than i already do in my consumerism, but it's still going to help pay the bills, which is a good thing because i don't like my mommy having to do it all for me. she already is too amazing for words. at least i'll already know what i'm doing more or less having worked there previously while at home last summer. it was pretty funny because i went in for a second interview yesterday and i think they had already decided they were going to hire me before hand, so the 'interview' was really just the manager and me chattin' about camping and how much we enjoy living in the forest areas, etc. very silly.

so the week i was home inbetween the quarter ending and summer school beginning was a lot of fun. it was so awesome seeing my wonderful family and friends. spent a lot of time with 'the boys', as i loving call them. much love goes out to alecks, josue, howard, the russians and shanty :) also hung out with jasmine and maggie, drinking a spot of beer and chillin' in the hottub, both of which were perfect considering the disappointment i had in myself that day. all is well, though. swimming pools, by the way, are so much fun. wish i had spent more time with jennifer, i love that gal. also wish i had seen my other girl friends, but a week is so short. i'll be getting to see the girls quite soon, anyway, though because we're all going to las vegas next month to celebrate angela's 21st birthday. i'm not a huge fan of the city because it's just sort of dirty and i don't understand gambling at all, but i think spending time with some of my favorite people will be too much fun. i mean i haven't even seen ellen in months and months!

well, i suppose i should do some stuff i need to do such as getting dressed, laundry and perhaps some homework (i really gotta get up on that last one there, we have tests every monday, which means i cannot slack off!). okay then, good bye for now to all those out there who read about my silly adventures. hope you're all doing well!!

(wish on a star)

3:47AM

nooo....damnit! i just updated something beautiful...and now it is lost forever to the internet demons!!! grr...i guess i'll try to recreate it later on...boo. i hate computers sometimes!!!!

(wish on a star)

10:19AM - eeeeee!

yay!! i just got back a little while ago from completing my biochemistry final! woo! now i'm pseudo finished with finals (i have calculus tomorrow, but i'm not as concerned about it as i had been for genetics and biochem).

in other news...
i have become addicted to the facebook...ahh. haha, figures i resist the whole year and then, in these last few days, when i should have been ferociously studying for finals, i start one up and inspect it like every other second.

tucci left and we're all sad. amelia started up a facebook group entitled "tucci's harem" in his honor. he's too cute, he was crying a little yesterday upon departure. i'm glad i'll most likely still get to see him before he leaves for washington, d.c. and then france (i mean we did plan a trip to ragin' waters!).

i love apartment 822 and am sad they won't all be living together next year, but am so glad i've gotten the chance to get to know all of them over this last year (especially this quarter and these last like 2 weeks). it's a gnome fact they are amazing.

i can't believe the year is really coming to an end. in some ways i disliked it, but in many others i loved it profusely and am going to miss it big time. overall it was a great time. i met a lot of fantastic people and i think i've grown a lot as a person. i'm happier, a lot happier, these days, too. the only real downfall was probably the ryan incidents i can barely remember (hehe) from fall and having to take classes i didn't like (see: ochem, biochem).

i'm excited to be living in the new house soon and to stay here this summer and hopefully have even more amazing times with all the amazing people i know. i'm also hoping for some awesome nite excursions, day trips and visits to people in distant lands (okay, if i'm lucky i'll make it to parts around california, but still, good times!).

sidenote...suddenly i woke up a bit right now. i was so tired a minute ago. good ol' internet, always knowing how to distract me from my life, haha. i surely didn't get enough sleep. i can't even imagine the level of rachel and neeti's fatigue! i left apartment 822 around 2:30 due to exhaustion and they were still studying, sheesh. i think the test went okay, i'm crossing my fingers/praying tons everything went okay and i'm going to pass all of my classes. we'll see what the future will hold i suppose.

still looking for a job...meh.

excited to see some so cal people in the very near future! <3

still have to begin, middle and finish packing. also cleaning. it'll be okay, though.

so weird to be excited to be done, yet sad that it's over. hmm. thank you to everyone who contributed to yet another memorable year here at ucsc!! woo!

(8 shooting stars | wish on a star)

5:44PM - just wanted to say...

i'm so freakin' tired of people being complete jerks! i seriously hate hatred! seriously the only thing i can't stand. why do people feel the need to be mean to one another all of the time??? i'm just thankful i have so many sweet, loving, kind and fun people in my life. i am so lucky for this. if i didn't i would be in a complete depression all of the time. gosh. people really need to be nicer to each other. it really wears down on me sometimes.

on a better note...i had a nice afternoon with one of my favorite people, aaron. his housemate nicole came along as well and i really like her, too. they're both so much fun. we ate pizza, went to natural bridges, then are ice-cream and then hit up trader joe's. we also listened to some awesome notorious b.i.g. yes. haha, another funny thing, aaron told me he saw the fellow i 'hung out with' last weekend, in the library recently. he said he felt like going up to him and just being like, "hey, here's chelsea's number", but didn't. such a friend. hehe...i feel better thinking about nicer things again. i can't handle feeling angry like that. i want to love. it's just so hard to ignore the icky stuff sometimes and it's even harder to try to battle it.

i was beginning to feel like a recluse. didn't leave my place all of yesterday and spent most of the day alone. just putzing around, watching movies and what have you. it was nice to get out the house.

saturday i bought a cool rocking chair at this rummage sale whose profits went to helping kitties. very nice. amelia purchased some awesome retro, green, flower patterned chairs that will match nicely with the green formica dining room table we'll have. things are really coming together for our new home. should be awesome. i think this summer is going to rock. i'm looking forward to it.

i suppose i should finally get at least an ounce of studying in today, considering i got zero in this whole weekend thus far. man, three-day weekends are the most awesome. hehe :)

much love to everyone this beautiful monday :)

(4 shooting stars | wish on a star)

3:13AM - heheh

going to the flea market tomorrow! a first for me in santa cruz (been to other flea markets in the past, mostly in hollywood, but this is new!). pretty good :)

stole this from annette, a fellow sexy queen...

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Andrea is your soulmate.

You truly love Marisa.

You consider Rachel your true friend.

You know that Amelia is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Luis for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Alex is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Ellen is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Shanty is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Shanty changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Kelley is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Kelley has a hidden internet romance.

i honestly think these are all pretty fitting overall, which is kind of cool, although entirely too silly. so it goes...

watched "runaway jury" a minute ago with amelia, the tuch, karina (who i realize i deep down will always love and think is amazing, despite any hostility of the past) and neeti, who is hilarious. turns out i enjoyed the flick quite a bit. john cusack is good times.

today was not much to speak of, but i must say i'm very pleased at how pleasant my disposition has been of late. very nice. it's good to be happy <3

hm...crazy the quarter is nearing it's end. soon it will be official that i only have a year left of school. so insane/scary/unnerving/exciting/everything all rolled up into one. man...it's hard to imagine me without this life i have sometimes. i mean the particulars always seem to be changing, but the generalities changing will be a huge thing in my life. but alas, i do still have a year :)

i'm excited about the summer. should be an interesting experience. so many people seem to be staying around the city, which is way cool, lots of fun people to hang out with. gosh...i hope staying in touch with certain people will be entirely plausible when i blow this popsicle stand.

how/why am i still awake at this moment in time?

after having watched hours of this show about a west hollywood and beverly hills (such a good show, too, hehe) salon owner i totally want to get my hair cut in the near future, i always feel like a pretty, pampered and groomed puppy afterwords, which is mos def a good thing.

love to everyone out there, you all deserve it ten fold.

should do a lot of studying this extended weekend. check and mate.

(wish on a star)

1:22PM - :(

just took a test that was awful, but i'm not that down about it. i just need to pass the class at this point.

chelsea likes when people comment on her updates every once in a while. it makes her happy and provides entertainment for her...so do it everyone! hahahah, i am crazy person! crazy person!

(8 shooting stars | wish on a star)

8:14PM - waitin' around for the clothes to clean

killin' a little bit of time here and thought i'd post a rough, impromptu poem i wrote like a week ago. just thought i'd be bold, meh. hope you can stand it.

sad one or happy one? not sure which to post...hmm. maybe sad just because. okay here it goes...

you ripped my soul out, you've ripped my heart out more than i can say
my river is overflowing and my extremities itch 'til i can't scratch anymore
i hate what i've done to the place, maybe i should just break another mirror or paint another room black
you are the reason i wanted to shine, but you are also why i can no longer breathe
my mind throbs and aches like the ears of a child who swallows too much chlorine
i just want someone to knock me out, i want to sink into the endless satin, to disappear
i can hardly see out of these optic nerves
my breath has become shallow, yet my nostrils are plugged
the walls melt away and when the dust settles all i see is this
the wretched calls from down the street, faint echoes of those i love aren't even plausible
they say i had it good for a while, but now i've got to accept the low i've made
how do i get out of this? when everything has gone black, when nothing remains for distraction i fall
further in
your voice isn't even audible, i strain to hear the mumbles..did someone say this was a part of the
terrible 2s?
the blueprints got damp in the morning mist
i won't let you steal my soul, you must pay registration fees like the rest of 'em

so there it is...hehe. i'm having a good day and just thought i'd look at something i wrote in a fury of sadness to try to see how i can pull myself out of stuff like that when i get into it. hmm...on that note, gotta put the stuff in the dryer. yih.

(2 shooting stars | wish on a star)

1:51PM - today has rocked!

so my day starts by waking up next to a cute boy i spotted and wanted to meet immediately at the party i went to last nite. i ended up going with mary to a party rachael's pal rainier invited us to. turned out i knew a whole bunch of people there, which was awesome. basically everyone there was a bio major and my friends aaron and tamar (peter's ex) even showed! so cool! i danced, i had a really good make-out session in a bathtub, i got crazy! hehe...so good. not to sound like a slutty mcslut, but i ended up spending the nite at the cute boy's place. turns out he lives with this one guy i know and this other guy who's been in a bunch of my classes. good times. i had a lot of fun. oh, he said he recognized me, asked if i hang in the science library a lot, i said sort of and he said he's definitely seen me in there. then, when i left his place he gave me a sweet kiss and said he'd see me in the library, heheh. i love it.

next part of my day amelia and ian pick me up from said boy's place (which was a super nice house, by the way...his room was cute, it had fish painted on the walls, he said it was the baby's room for the previous owners, hehe). so us three go to our new house, woo!, and sign the lease, pay the deposit. we ended up staying there hanging out with the landlord for a couple of hours. score and score.

then, as we headed back to the apartments, we saw a sign that say "huge sale" so we went down that street and it ended up being a whole bunch of free, let me repeat, FREE stuff! it was cool stuff, too. like a chair, and a bunch of photography books and fish plates (shaped like a fish!!!). so good. to top it off we're going to the bargain barn soon, this day can't get any better!!! <3 <3

(wish on a star)

2:42PM - hahah

this is yesterday's horoscope:

"Chelsea,
If you ever considered writing erotic fantasy or a romantic novel, this might be your day. The planets are encouraging your rich imagination to play out in the realm of physical attractions and desires. Communicating what you want in the real world, however, may have more immediate impact than losing yourself to your inner dreams. "

oolala!! yikes! hehe

saw "star wars episode III: revenge of the sith" (yea, i had to say the whole entire title just to be goofy) last nite at the midnite showing. it was good times. i had many good laughs, especially because and my pal tuch (aka anthony, aka hooch, aka tucci)were being silly and yelling out things. like every time they showed wookies i would make noises like them or i kept yelling that things were hott or sexy, haha. such good times.

goodness, i really am insane over this boy in my genetics class. i don't even know what to do anymore. he's driving me nuts. he's just so freakin' cute and adorable and ahhh!! today i could see his little arm muscles while he wrote something down at an angle and the other day i saw his boxers, plus a little bit of his naked side, eee! so cute!! AND he was all clean shaven today....AND he smiled and yawned a lot and fidgeted, which he never does, oh and he fixed his little mane and looked adorable doing so. he's soooo cute!!! i want to know him so very badly! amelia and rachael keep telling me i need to talk to him. ian and ranier (one of rachael's friends who is quite funny and went to see star wars with us) said i should just grab him and kiss him because, as guys, they say they'd like a girl to do that do them, hehe. man, i want this boy so much! seriously going crazy here! any advice people? hehe

wow, i need to finish my math homework. okay, bye!!

p.s. r2d2 is hilarious! hehe <3

(wish on a star)

8:43PM - haha!

everyone seriously needs to check this out. i know it will bring a smile to the faces of all who watch! ian is so cool for showing me this! woo!

http://gprime.net/flash.php/eggsong

if it says it can't find the actual deal then just go to the flash section of the site and look for "egg song", it's there and it's grrrrrreat! seriously, though, it's so good, check it!!

(2 shooting stars | wish on a star)

11:32PM - hohum

oh how i wish...

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

in other news...i haven't studied in faaaaaaar too long! also, i went to the artichoke festival with kevin and neither of us ate a single thing made with artichokes...so silly, but good. another thing, i joined this silly online group deal on tribe.net. i found out that the blue lagoon has a goth themed nite on mondays so then i further looked into the goth scene in santa cruz and stumbled upon the website. then i decided to join since i wanted to check out this one guy's profile. pretty silly, i know, but it's definitely provided me with some laughs.

hmm...i guess there's not too much else to report right now. ciao!

(oh! one more thing...i had the bestest dream the other nite...it involved davey havok and me dating!! eee! it was so cool! and in it he was infatuated with me and i considered breaking up with him, but then thought, "am i crazy? he's sooo hott, a great kisser, very sweet and sings to me all of the time!" hehe...man, i wish that was my real life...i <3 davey havok!!! hahah, amelia came in my room and turned off AFI, saying she was having an intervention because she was worried about my obsession with davey davey, hehe. so good!)

okay, peace!

(wish on a star)

1:35AM - hey!

shant, at least YOU should comment on my entries every once in a while. it makes me feel more loved! hehe...so do it!

(4 shooting stars | wish on a star)

11:29PM - this is what i do after i get hysterical and cry

talked to my mommy for like an hour. had a long cry. feeling a little better now. just gotta stay positive for real now.

peter and i talking earlier, thought this was nice/funny...

ValueApeLogo: dude, you seem pretty happy these days....makes me glad
redstriped El C: aww, how sweet of you to say. thanks :-) i've been trying to keep the spirits up, heh. always makes me glad to see you happy as well.
ValueApeLogo: yea...
ValueApeLogo: how are things with you and kevin? or are there even things?
redstriped El C: haha, you're so funny...kevin is fully a gay man
ValueApeLogo: or is it none of my business?
ValueApeLogo: oh sweet
redstriped El C: haha, if there was anything going on i would let you know if you inquired, don't have to tip toe around things
ValueApeLogo: i seriously can never tell who is gay or not
redstriped El C: haha, i love how people always think we have something going on, so funny
ValueApeLogo: hahaa....my b
redstriped El C: i somehow have a good sense of who is and i don't know how. i mean the first time i met him i could tell, but there's no way of knowing he is unless you ask him, it's weird
redstriped El C: haha, my b, you are ridiculous

then...

redstriped El C: man, i'm such a dork. i might as well just tell you...the reason i asked the name of that guy in class is because i have a bit of a crush on him, haha

ValueApeLogo: thats cool...
redstriped El C: i'm seriously a nerd. i got all excited at the thought of you possibly knowing that guy, haha
redstriped El C: okay...i'll stop now, haha
ValueApeLogo: hehe...its good times
ValueApeLogo: hes way nice

goodness. i need to get a life and stop being ridiculous...well, being ridiculous is pretty cool, i guess i gotta cut the drama out a bit, though.

(wish on a star)

8:51PM - hahah

redstriped El C: hey, what's the name of the fellow in genetics you said you studied with? i feel like i see him around a lot
ValueApeLogo: which guy?
ValueApeLogo: crazy black pseudomohawk?
redstriped El C: haha, yea
ValueApeLogo: i think his name was alan
ValueApeLogo: i met him the night before the test at like 10pm
ValueApeLogo: so its not like we are super chummy
redstriped El C: hmm, okay. just wondering....you know, when you see people a lot it makes you curious what their name might be, hah
redstriped El C: haha
redstriped El C: i like that you said "super chummy"
redstriped El C: haha
ValueApeLogo: haha

i am such a nerd. way to be subtle, eh?? haha, i love it. by the way, psuedomohawk looks like the weirdest word when it's all squished together, hehe.

(wish on a star)

7:18PM - skippyity do

so i just called one of the houses we were really interested in, turns out he picked another group...blah. hopefully the house near the mystery spot with all the laid back guys works out!

in other news, here's my horoscope for today:

"Your romantic tendencies are stirred now, but this doesn't mean that you are ready to act on your feelings. In fact, if someone doesn't approach you first, you may not be willing to take the extra step on your own. It's great that you've mustered up the courage to dream about the possibilities, but don't rest on your laurels. Show your emotional availability to create greater intimacy."

eee...i wonder if this means i should pursue cute semi-goth boy who i adore, interesting. hehe. i feel like i should at least inquire further about him to peter. i don't know. i get all shy, i just think this boy is so dreamy. hehe.

i finally went to the merrill office so i can begin to change my major. go me on getting things done :)

dumb library, they're always the first to e-mail me saying they either filled the position or are reviewing applicants with more of the type of experience they're looking for...or whatever that dumb, generic deal says. grr to the library. hopefully one of the on-campus jobs i applied for will work out!!

also, bruce lyon needs to answer his e-mail. i want him to be my academic advisor!!

(wish on a star)

7:42PM - i'm such a nerdy mcnerd

today was pretty nice. nothing too eventful, but it turned out that i wasn't depressed out of my mind, which made me even happier. this is especially so because i awoke from a dream this morning that upset me. it was about the boy seeing another girl and blah blah blah. just made me not even want to get out of bed, let alone see him in class later on, so it's good things are alright :)

so in class today i not only saw the cute semi-goth boy who i adore, but i also saw him smile a bit, which was absolutely the cutest!!! goodness he's distracting. ALSO, found out peter knows him. our teacher always give us a break about half-way through and during this said break the boy always walks out of the class, probably to get some water, walk around, ya know. so today he comes in a few minutes after the break had officially ended (as he often seems to do) and when he sat back down, looking adorable, like he was kind of thinking it was funny he walked in late, peter said, "that guy's cool." i respond, "which one?" (hoping he was referring to the boy!). peter replies, "the one over there." "oh, i don't know him, but he always looks really cool to me" (i know, what a nerdy thing to say, i feel like peter has to know i have a thing for the boy, haha). "yea, we studied together." eee! i was telling rachael that if i were more bold i would have been like, "do you want to introduce me to him? i think he's the ultimate in dreamy!" boy, i need to get to know that boy! i was thinking maybe on thursday telling peter he should invite the boy to sit with us...i just need to try to get there early enough i guess, hehe (good luck, right??).

i applied for like 10 on-campus jobs yesterday, i felt so productive and good about myself. i'm going to apply to some jobs in town sometime this week. good times.

i'm going to try to be the best me. no more moping around. no more feeling bad about myself. just feeling good, standing tall, trying my best at what i do and living life up. speaking of which, i'm excited/slightly nervous about an upcoming backpacking trip to rey lakes ( i totally know that's spelled wrong...it's in yosemite). it should be awesome, i just feel like i'm going to be ill prepared. i should at least start running again for the next couple of weeks. that would at least help a little as far as getting in shape goes.

well, i suppose i should do something productive. ciao y'all! hehe <3

(wish on a star)